i just want to cry. i need to think. i just want to talk to someone or try to.

i am going to start a new leaf.
no more guys
no more going out with a rapest and drug dealer
turning a new leaf

james was just a dick thought i was with him for his money which i wasnt
and it only went out with him for three days i lied about going out with him for a month and a half i guess i thought my friends wont think why am i upset when i was going out with a guy for three days.
so better start telling the truth.and i will now

there is one friend i would like to talk to is you. you get me and even how stupid i am for doing stuff your still there . but now days it seems like i got to book you to get time with you or maybe it just me.i dont know

im just a big screw up.
no wonder i dont have many friends or boyfriends i just screw up eveything
i just want to start over but i cant
everything has happen over the last twos i regret everything
how am i going to get that back?

i asked the guy i have been in love with since i was in year 6 and what did i get he has a girlfriend i felt hurt so hurt that i cryed myself to sleep last night. i love you so much cause you make me happy like nobody does. i love you i miss you. i want you. i sholud have done it sooner but i didnt.no look what happen

i dont know what to do anymore. im scared really scared. im falling down a deep hole. i had a thing with my sisters boyfriend you can say but i stoped it before it got further.but i think im falling for him . and then there was ryan lets just say he came across a nice guy but i knew he was a drug dealer and a violent guy but i still went there i just i took that risk same again cause i just wanted someone to love me.as im hurting down inside.but i broke it off as i had four of my friends had a go at me so bye ryan. now im lost cause im scared once your gone i dont know what will happen to the family. im just not there anymore.i just want that person i can turn to and talk and cry but i dont.so im just bottling it up.be brave or i dont know stupid. i dont know what to do anymore

so i think im falling for you
but the problem is that you live
up north and i only have meet you once
but your so good to talk to and you understand me'
so maybe when you come down we could hang out aye

so what can i say im getting help for my problem
and im feeling better about myself already

im amitting i have a problem im a slut and i need help to say no to these guys

fuck your a fucking bitch you ugly dog go die you stupid fucking fucked up bitch
fuck you go get depressed thats what your good at and cut your self and you dont know

i have liked you alot

I LIKE YOU A LOT SHAN I DO I LIKED YOU SINCED WE MEET AND SINCED WE BROKE UP I STILL LIKE YOU

him

theres this guy i still have feelings for. everytime i go on his page i just stare at his pxt for a while and ask myself what did i do wrong.i still like him but he dont like me i think he hates me alot. so i just sit back and whatch all the girls he goes out and dumps them i was one of them.i just wont one more chance with him but i know it never going to happen

last night i was thinking about you.you called me up saying you loved me but you dont cause you were drunk that hurted me so much i know you dont love me but why did you have to call me saying that. you know i love you so much and trying to get over you but no you have to say that. i cant wait for you to leave to country so i can get over you and you wont be able to ring coz you will be in other country.

got a random text from him saying he thinks im hot.i smiled for a while cause i never thought he would of noticed me that all.
my head is in the clouds am i jelous yes i am cause every guy i like they like you so i gotten over the fact of not competing cause i will never be prettier or hotter than you so im just leaving it.but now i know not to tell poeple who i like and keep my jelousy to my self as i think that i dont want to get in the way of things.

RIP MR KELLY

today we have to go to a teachers funural it was sad as he was a good teacher. he was one of those teachers that you can have a joke about.and takes over your work for the period he was great

so i dont know what to think about now. well its my birthday coming up and i dont know what to do or who to invite but every year its the same person who always come to my birthday thing i do so this year im going to change it

other other day i was upset to read your blog so i wrote 2 pages on refill read though it then i decided that i wasnt going to write it so i didnt but im so glad i didnt go to paramore with you coz i meet this amazing group while i was lining up to go in and they were so cool even on guy keep me close to him coz he didnt want to lose me

so when i was walking home i relise i create the problems that im having at the moment like having a friend problem,dad shitty at me coz i kinda lied to him and yeah i guess it took me this long to relise it.

i think i should think what im about to say and do so i wont create these problems

on wedsnesday something happen to a friend of mine and when i found out i just wanted to go up to him and give him a hug and say it ok i just want to help him i think everyone in our year wants too. i feel sorry for him.

the guy im oing out with hes so sweet and i knew he will be there for me when i cry so he can cheer me up i love my nick hes always there for me and i dont care what poeple think of us

ok fine i dont care any more, coz i dont know what to do any more thats what i dont il just leave you be dont worry about im over this shit and you know what message im getting is that im your loser freak show friend like you would rather hung out with your cool new bffs than me but its alright im over it see you next time at one of the famliy bbqz or not coz i wont be round half of them i will be at home dont care about me i know who my friends are

i was hurt yesterday when you ditched me for your other friend which she hangs out with you at school everyday but i cant aye you ditched me for im just hurt and upset about that

i just want to die right now or go pack up and leave noone cares about me anymore if i just go noone will care. its only megan aye

i just want to go back to where i want to be.hanging out with my friend laughing and sharing sercets watching movies crying in a movie. eating lollies and chocolate which is always dream. having sleepovers talking and lots more what happen where did that go aye?

im relising that things in my life is hard and not worth it. i cant even get a boyfriend coz that cant handle what im like is that fair no!!!!!!!!!!

all those times i spent with you. your saying it was a waste. but it wasnt.

just relize that my friend hasnt foned or called me to hang out and have a sleepover for over a few months now its always me but i had to ring to tell her when netball is but that is about all. but i cant tell her that face to face. soz i just im a chicken then.

im thinking off just taking off without warning and leave

dont you hate it when you like a guy and you do stuff with them and you only tell your closest mates.and the thing is he told this guy and this guy told another guy and so on untill this bitch of a dog comes up to you at school calling you a dumb bitch and saying that i lied which i didnt coz i dint tell people that go to my school. and now this guy i like that i did stuff to is calliny me a mutt. and it is his fault

i know im going to lose my good and you know the scary thing about it is that she wont even know

i want my friend back

im going though a rough patch in my life and i want you to pick up the phone and call me and ask if im alright. all i want to say is that i miss spending time with you and talking like we used to but we have drifted apart coz you moved schools which was hard on me whne i found out coz a big chunk of me was getting ripped out cos you have been there for me but now you not coz you got your other friends but i just want you back.for being there for me. maybe im jelous but i dont know. but i just dont want you to forget about me your other friend.im feeling sad and lonely. and your with your friend doing somthing exciting.and also im, feeling that its always me picking up that phone making plans not you

all i want to do is cry my heart out i do just cry and let everything out

i hate my life

i hate my life it doesnt seem right
me being here on earth
me being here on this fucking planet

i hate my life
with bullying at school
parents arguing at home
being told im depressed

i hate my life
the only person is keeping me from dying is him
the boy i love

i hate my life
i hate it so much
why was i chosen to live in this world
Why?????????

when i found about your dad all i wanted to do is text you up meet up with you and hug you. but i didnt coz you dont really talk to me any more.when i found out about your dad it was thur your friend i just felt so sorry for you and now that i found out your moving to perth coz of your dad. its kind of sad that i wont be able to see you again and lose contact but in a way that means i can finely get over you and fine some one who will treat me right.

sometimes

sometimes-i want to run away
sometime-i want to say sorry
sometimes- i want you to vanish
sometimes-i wish you could see me for who i am
sometimes-i want you to die and i regret going out with a person like you
sometimes- i want to say goodbye forever
sometimes-i want to walk up to you and kiss you and walk away
sometimes-i want to understand why

gggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

im hating every part of it. do i like him or not. oi i dont get a break from my family im like the build in babysitter lets dump your children on megan on go out for the day which turns into a night which turns into a week i hate looking after three kids on that long period of time. it gets me down it feels like im being punished for the bad things i did over the years. and you dont even say a thank you for me babysitting no its like drop them at that time and il pick them up at that time i just hate it you just think about you self not any one else just you maybe i do need a break from the kids ok i do.

there is millions of things running though my mind at the moment. its hard to understand them it makes me conpuzzle and dont know what to do. but after a good talk to my sister it made me understand some of those things running though my little head of mine.

sun burnt och

yesterday i got really burnt form swimming with jac. like my back is now red and peeling which is gross also my chest is burnt aswell. but mum and dad dont know that i got burnt and im keeping it that way as mum will give me that speech again. but i did have fun hanging with jac at the pool.

gemz dont leave

there are some things i dont want to go and that is my sister i dont want her to leave if she did id be lost with out her i love here so much. i know you have gone though some hard stuff this year. but you know im here for you, but please dont leave me i beg you dont.

we have had fun over the years like me and you going to seee new moon or me staying at your house and watching random as movies or going shopping. i can trust you with my life and secrets.
you always look after your baby sister me. i also like going on random trips with you in the car.

see there a alot of happy things i love you gems just please dont leave me please dont.