im not felling like myself anymore im not bubbly but instead im quite. i have lots of thing running thur my head

man i love my new peicing lol its mint as lol

hurt afraid scared lost

i some times wonder why i screw up. recently found out my boyfriend of two months was cheating on me saying things behind my back and other things. i have gone back to the way i have like dissaplining myself for all the wrong things i have done this year. and it has hurt me so much. i feel lost afraid scared hurt.

i dont know who to turn to anymore im scared. i cant talk to you or you.what am i going to do. im hurt and afraid. im upset im not myself anymore bubbly or happy or my wacked out personality is gone. i have gone quite sad not doing anything.

im just sitting there with a smile on my face but im falling apart inside but poeple dont know that. i just hope someone can come along and talk to me

i love god so much ok i dont beleive him but i do. i had unprotected sex twice and hadden taken my pill for a while and when my period came i was so happy that i got and im not pregant as im not ready to have a baby i have furture.and yeah im so glad im not but when im old il have one

two lives

im thinking about everything im a girl with two lives with a good girl one during the day and a bad ass girl during the night. im the rebal mum doesnt know about and dad. some days i want to tell them but i dont coz i know what will happen so i should keep my mouth shut.

im confused about a guy at the monment i mean i dont know if i like him and yeah.i did somthing stupid the other night. i sneaked out jumped out my window and went into town and got smashed off my face and someone took anvantage of me i knew who it was but i didnt think he would be like that so i was screwed. and i also didnt have a ride home untill 6am which suck coz i could of been i deep shit if my rents found out.

i dont know what to do

im a unwanted person that just floats around with people not noticing me and i regret everything i did. like last night a meet up with you but all you did was to use me for sex as you knew i was going to fuck you as i still love you. but you used me and i feel hurt and i cant talk to anyone about this as you have done it again and again with me. why am i a stupid bitch for not thinking straight i really am.im fucked in the head always.maybe its a sign that i shouldnt have boys coz i always fuck it up.and i have turned into a right little rebal my sister thinks i have sleeped with 9 guys so that makes me a slut a whore what ever you call it.and i get totally wasted and steal and also i started smoking . so what wrong with me i use to be the good girl but now im not anymore i atleast sneak out and get drunk atleast once a week and fuck that same person. i cant talk to anyone about my problems.
i think that im not worth it anymore i just dont.

im alone and the truth hurts

im sitting here its two in the morning and i cant stop thinking a bout you.things just repeat over and over again that one night.why did i walk away form that chance to hear you straight up why did i start walking away when you started talking why.maybe i was scared to hear the truth from you of all poeple why. you ran after me and turned me around and then you saw my tears going down my face and you kept saying im sorry im sorry.i try to walk away again but you got a hold of my arm so i couldnt.you hugged me and wiped my tears away and said can you just listen to me please.so i stood there listening to you explaining hearing the truth for your lips and all i could do was just nood as my mouth was to dry to speak and after you finished i started to cry blaming my self of what you did . then out of the blue you kissed me and my body went all jelly like. and i pulled away and started to run from you.you started to run but i was to fast for you so you stoped. i kept thinking why me.i started to walk again thinking just thinking my phone started to ring so i picked up and it was you pleading me to go back to your house and saying i might get killed and i said no and hang up. while i was walking you kept texting me but i ignored you.then you started to look for me and when found me walking to no where you pulled up in your car opened the car door and telling me to get in so i did. when i got in i broke down crying sobbing just sitting there not looking at you.when we got back to you house you stoped and turned the car off. and you said those three little words I LOVE YOU. and all i wanted to do was to cry even more and even hurt myself.and you keeped saying it was a mistake.so i got out of the car walked up the steps to the house and went to your room grabed my stuff and slept on the couch in the living room.

i love him so much

loving someone you have know for ages is hard to let go trust me its hard. so it hurts for me moving on i know he has moved on with this chick. and i still love corey he was my everything but now he doesnt give a shit what i do anymore. i love the way corey
-talks
-i love his hugs and he never lets go he just holds you there.
-i love his kisses his soft kisses
-how he cheers me with things that are out of the blue
-the covos we have that can last over 5hours on the phone
-how he rings back if i hang up and says why did you do that
-i love his smiles
-i love the way he tickles me making me laugh
-how he surprises me with little things
-how he lets me win games like in monolopy lol
-how he use to look out for me
-how he would give his jacket to me if it was cold
-how i would sneak out and meet up with him we would walk around southbridge for hours talking about what we would do when we grow up
-the way he looks at me when i say somthing stupid
-the way he said I LOVE YOU
-i love the the cheesey texts he used to send
-the way he makes me smile

these things i love about corey that i just cant let go he means the world to me

pain in the heart

i dont know what to think of you anymore. you couse so much pain in me i dont know what to think anymore. why did you have to do that to me its not fair i mean arnt i not goood enough for you so you cheat on me. im not going to trust you anymore. im crying my heart out im blocki9ng everyone out im singing at my top of my lungs trying to forget you and all you have done. im lying in bed thinking with tears slowly going down my face just thinking will there be us again or not

im so alone

what have i done

i screw everything up alway i do

im a big screw up all the time i screw up my relationships,friends and my family im just a screw up majorly

my life is breaking down into little pieces and me it feels i have nothing left im empty its just nothing and it feels like some one has just riped me apart and then walked over me.

i cant put a brave face any more i just cant i want to runaway from all of this i just do and be on my own for a while so i can figure myself out.

im fearing that im going to lose you. i love you but i cant tell you that coz you will laugh. im been your mate for a long time but i love you alot but your already taken which suckz.so ill ave to live with it for a while them i tell you how i really feel.

i did somthing brave today a good thing and i dont give a shit what poeple say to be of what i done. i was the only gurl at my school for doing this thing so i think it was a good idea for doing it

jac

im sorry that i piss you off and shit. and im moody and shitty one minute and happy the next its just that you always talk about your friends saying how good they are to you and i just feel that im not good enough to be that friend you talk about. maybe im jelous manbe im not but it sometimes i think you would rather hsng out with your other mates but me. ohk i block you out but sometimes i cant open up to you coz i cant trust you or somthing coz your tell you mum or someone so im sorry.ok im a bit different from your mates ok and you can relate to them but not me.its just that i dont want to lose a mate like you but the rate we are going i will be losing you. coz i have been mates with you since year 3 i think so im sorry i piss you off and yeah

well lifes getting better i think. i mean i stiil dont know where i stand with my mate so i hope i get to find out sooon i hope.

i have got this guy that treats me like a princeness which i love. but i go off at him for no reason. my mate likes him alot but i cant tell her that im going out with the guy she is in love with. so im not going to tell her that we are coz i dont want to ruin what me and my boy have. last week i saw him and the first thought i went in to my mind was hes mine and i dont want to lose him. so what did we do last week well we talked and went out for tea which was so fun.
but one problem is that i cant stop thinking about my ex. i know its sad. but i cant, i love my boy heaps he makes me happy.so i hoping this liking my ex will pass so i can move on and have some fun with my boyfriend i love so much.

last night i think i had one of the best nights so far. it was awsome. i got sticky photos with my mates then went to zebz which was shit and empty and then did some crusing and following and went down manchester and latamier square. thats guys for taking me out on the last minute i had fun and it was good to get out of the house

im sitting here with tears streaming down my face. thinking i sould talk to you in person and tell you myfriend how i feel and get your opinion on this problem that i will be trying to get at.but i ahave a feeling that its going to end up in a big fight between so i will tell you and i dont care i think i should know if im just a friend you dont hang out often. so i want to know am i just a friend not a good mate or not?

im sorry

its not fair. i dont like it i want to tell you how i feel and why you leave me out and not bother about me but if i do its going to end up in a big fight and when i see that you love your other friends not me it makes me think am i just one of you normal friends.that you dont do anything with me and yeah. i just makes me cry that you see me as just a friend nothing else.i pretty much known you for ages but no so i dont know what to do anymore. soon you will think im jelous but im not. i just think you should tell me if we are friends not good mates coz that is what im thinking at the moment.

i hate my life noone ever cares bout me no im there for my mates but no they always not here for me i hate it fuck that im over life no one will ever care anyway i want to dig my self a hole and then hop in and cover myself up and die

i hate it

sitting here thinking is my life worth it.im lost i hate people picking on me and i always do the wrong thing.people just push me over to do things and stuff like that i feel that im everyones slave and i feel left out in things.im feeling the presure. my rents want me to do well but i cant cope.they are fighting like hell so how am i going to do well if the are screaming every minute when im home.school is hell i hate it im the loser kid that is fucked up and has no friends really. im a good person but people dont see me like that. maybe all i sould do is just be a plain boring kid that doesnt do any thing exciting and sit there and listen and do nothing. coz right know i dont know how to act.

he gives me hell in pe.i mean real hell like on friday we were doing a dulathon and he nearly ran me over when i was running and he was biking and shit i just hate it. its not fair how he treats me its not.
maybe i should give him some of this hell but i dont know what? hes the hot popular guy and im the wierd girl.hes higher on the popularlity chain and me you dont want to know.so il think of something when i got back on tuesday and give him some of my hell

i hate him so much he makes me cry. hes the one that started texting me tonight saying abuse and stuff i hate it. so what do i do i start doing abuse aswell calling him a fuckn male hore thats need to be spade or docked. its not cool then he calls me a freak and a slapper and fucken bitch slut and shit. so he and go die the male hore.

today was hard i stood there in netball wacthing you and the next mintue i was next to you defending you. your tall so i couldnt get the ball much only once and you keeped calling me a bitch or a slut under your breathe but i just ingnored you and kept playing. you pushed me and made me fall over and gave me this dirty glear. well im sorry ok for everything but sooner or later people would of found out.so now you are getting over it by punishing me yup me giving me hell which i should deserve but i dont think i do.

i regret everything i have done on that sunday with him why did i do it? i seriously dont know why maybe because i liked him alot and wanted to do that with him and it didnt faze me. but now a few weeks past and i regret it alot. in a way its funny because people is still giving him shit yes i did tell a few people you could say now alot of people know.he calls me names which i knew he would do that after he said i cant tell anybody and what did i do tell some of my mates whch turn out to by the whole year 11.so i think i learn that i souldnt go at the first jump think about it first and talk about it before i do something stupid again like this