a new year a new path for me

i just want to cry. i need to think. i just want to talk to someone or try to.

i am going to start a new leaf.
no more guys
no more going out with a rapest and drug dealer
turning a new leaf

james was just a dick thought i was with him for his money which i wasnt
and it only went out with him for three days i lied about going out with him for a month and a half i guess i thought my friends wont think why am i upset when i was going out with a guy for three days.
so better start telling the truth.and i will now

there is one friend i would like to talk to is you. you get me and even how stupid i am for doing stuff your still there . but now days it seems like i got to book you to get time with you or maybe it just me.i dont know

im just a big screw up.
no wonder i dont have many friends or boyfriends i just screw up eveything
i just want to start over but i cant
everything has happen over the last twos i regret everything
how am i going to get that back?

i asked the guy i have been in love with since i was in year 6 and what did i get he has a girlfriend i felt hurt so hurt that i cryed myself to sleep last night. i love you so much cause you make me happy like nobody does. i love you i miss you. i want you. i sholud have done it sooner but i didnt.no look what happen

i dont know what to do anymore. im scared really scared. im falling down a deep hole. i had a thing with my sisters boyfriend you can say but i stoped it before it got further.but i think im falling for him . and then there was ryan lets just say he came across a nice guy but i knew he was a drug dealer and a violent guy but i still went there i just i took that risk same again cause i just wanted someone to love me.as im hurting down inside.but i broke it off as i had four of my friends had a go at me so bye ryan. now im lost cause im scared once your gone i dont know what will happen to the family. im just not there anymore.i just want that person i can turn to and talk and cry but i dont.so im just bottling it up.be brave or i dont know stupid. i dont know what to do anymore